that i have been doing some drawings recently, and you can find them here: http://iwasanoptimistonce.wordpress.com/

in other news, i have been really down lately. it’s a mixture of the mean reds (see: breakfast at tiffany’s) and constant paranoia, which has become a big problem for me lately. i don’t know, i just don’t feel like i can talk about it to anyone without being judged or told how wrong i am. but it’s more how i feel, and i’m not sure what to do.

another problem i’m having is being socially confident. when i first moved to leeds i could talk to anyone and i had a bit of self confidence for the first time in forever and whatnot, all was good. lately i struggle to hold a conversation with anyone, and i’m not sure why.

anyway, i am making a book of my drawings, and i am very excited about it. my friend is playing a gig in america, and said he will take some over to sell and try and get a few american followers. which is brilliant news! i am super excited about that.

now, my course. i’ve been considering changing my course for a few reasons. the university i’m at isn’t exactly RENOWNED for anything apart from sports, which means the rest of the departments there (especially computer related) are very lax about things, and i don’t feel that i’m learning anything. however, i am only a first year, so i will probably stick it out to next year and see how that goes. there has been no mention of anything computer games related as yet, which is a bit annoying as i don’t really want to learn how to make movies (which is good fun, but wrong course maybe?). i think it is because they are assessing what level we are all at, and trying to get us all at the same level. which poses a few problems for me, mainly because i have done the course for nearly three years now. so yeah.

we shall see how that goes anyway. i am still surviving somehow. today i have done nothing much, apart from to see my friend ian. had a nice chat, about his course, which seems very intense. sort of wish my course was a bit like that, but at the same time i don’t. i don’t know, i’m not in the best state of mind at the moment.

i didn’t intend for this to be as depressing as it came out, but at least i’m blogging. check out the drawings, and let me know what you think of them eh?

so me and rachel broke up. it was a mutual decision really, since i’m moving to leeds soon and we don’t want to become too attached. i can understand, but i still feel pretty shitty about it!

also, i still haven’t finished all my work, and some of it was due in today. i’m sure they’ll call me back but i’m a bit worried.

best friday the thirteenth ever, eh?

christ, i just saw a post from like a year ago. god.

anyway, i am still frantically getting work done. although i’ve had a few extensions which is a good thing.

i saw young helen the other day at work. had a lovely bit of banter, we’re just hoping young smoodge has a house party this year. i know i need one.

the other day the most bizarre thing happened. it was about half eleven at night, and i was laid in bed, and i heard something under my bed moving and scratching and stuff. well naturally i shit myself, and i was laid there not wanting to move. i mean, something big was under my bed. anyway, i looked down on the floor and my neighbour’s cat had found its way into my house, into my bed and was now looking at me like i was a complete knob. just lovely.

middlesbrough music live is next sunday, can’t wait.

not much to talk about here, college work is due in like two weeks and i’ve got most of the years work to do.

new girlfriend, i asked her out friday. kept it a secret until wednesday, which was groovy.

quite hungover so i’ll write something later.

yesterday was amazing.

we had the day off so we made plans to go to the park and play football and have a picnic, which i’ve wanted to do for ages. anyway, i met up with rachel and rob whilst we waited for the others, and just had a laugh. kelvin and bayla eventually turned up and we just had the best day ever. there was ball games (in every sense you can think of (seriously, bayla and kel in the bush)) and we went to the beach for a while. we buried kelvin in sand (the usual beach stuff) as well as playfighting with rachel. eventually we head back to the park and rachel had to go, so we just chilled out after a hard day. hide and seek and what not. basically we were big kids for the day. and i loved it. we’re doing it again next friday.

i have all the information i need now and will be making a move soon. you know what i’m talking about.

in other news: middlesbrough music live line-up has been announced, and it’s looking fucking good. noah and the whale, pnau, sam isaac, the anomalies, scoobius pip, black kids etc. i’m there. no los campesinos! or grammatics which i’m a bit disappointed by.

http://middlesbroughmusiclive.co.uk/

so it’s been a while (i say that quite a lot), so here’s what’s been happening lately.

i got a haircut.

LEIGH DUMPED ME.

i made a game.

i’m back on track.

yeah, life is pretty great right now. i can finally do all the things i’ve wanted to for a while, but haven’t been able to. my priorities right now:

make new friends

learn to drive

get a job

and i’m well on the way to completing all three. i’ve got lessons booked, i’ve got a cv ready and i’ve already met quite a few people. i can finally go out legally, which is always good. i haven’t been out in like 6 months or so, and i actually can’t wait. i’m going to london in june which will be great. but right now i just want to focus on college work, since there’s so much to do and so little time. i’ve got 5 weeks of lessons left, after that it’s play catch-up. but yes, i’m back on track and it’s great. i could just do without being called a smartarse.

well well well.

let’s see, due to popular demand here is my first ever game, platform ball.

platform ball

controls: W - gravity A - right S - stop D - right

aim: guide the ball to the exit by clicking on the blocks and changing them.

it’s really buggy but it’s my first game and was made in about 4 hours using game maker 7 lite. i hope it gets some plays at least.

in other news, i saw leigh on saturday. no comment.  

so, as of about two hours ago, leigh got a place at huddersfield university, which is excellent news. i’m so happy for her! i also finished my first ever game which i am very proud of, but it’s no where near good enough to post anywhere so i’m going to work on a new project which i may or may not post. still won’t be BLOC-standard though.

i’ve also found out a lot about my accommodation at leeds met, and it turns out i have a guaranteed place like i thought i did. though where i’m not sure. it says the becket campus (which is ideal, it’s like 5 mins away from leeds met) but i’ll have to find out. it’s not until august that i need to worry about it anyway, but it’s taken a lot off my mind.

anyway, my latest game idea is called “gravi”, in which you switch gravity to progress through levels. it could be good if i execute it properly.

so this post is about me. oh boy.

let’s see. well, firstly, i made some levels for crayon physics. if any of the seven viewers play it, check them out over at the crayon physics level blog available here: http://crayon-physics.blogspot.com/2008/03/two-new-packs-added.html which is a great project. thanks to cama for putting them up!

next up, i’ve had a great idea for a game which i’m going to make. but i’m going to have to learn C++ properly, which is going to set me back a while. anyone know the learning curve?

yesterday i went to see leigh, which i gave her her suprise: chocolate nests! oh yes, i went through all the effort of making chocolate nests for her. basically its just chocolate and shredded wheat but i added some chicks and mini eggs. i was quite proud. we got up to the usual stuff and i had a great time. although i felt really ill when i got home. the snow is absurd.

wow, so like. hmm. i’m a bit in shock.

kelvin is using his mum’s iPod shuffle to store files. which is fair enough. only we found porn on it. not just any porn. oh no. bizarre and weird porn. feet in… vaginas, men with 3 penises (WHY? it looked like it had meaty wings) etc. not only that i had a lovely conversation with some girls about men cutting bits of themselves off. it’s been an interesting day.

also, i can take 28 five year olds in a fight. possibly the best survey ever. since i’m lazy you’ll have to google “how many five year olds could you take in a fight”. it had me rolling with tears.

i need sites to pass the time.