that i have been doing some drawings recently, and you can find them here: http://iwasanoptimistonce.wordpress.com/

in other news, i have been really down lately. it’s a mixture of the mean reds (see: breakfast at tiffany’s) and constant paranoia, which has become a big problem for me lately. i don’t know, i just don’t feel like i can talk about it to anyone without being judged or told how wrong i am. but it’s more how i feel, and i’m not sure what to do.

another problem i’m having is being socially confident. when i first moved to leeds i could talk to anyone and i had a bit of self confidence for the first time in forever and whatnot, all was good. lately i struggle to hold a conversation with anyone, and i’m not sure why.

anyway, i am making a book of my drawings, and i am very excited about it. my friend is playing a gig in america, and said he will take some over to sell and try and get a few american followers. which is brilliant news! i am super excited about that.

now, my course. i’ve been considering changing my course for a few reasons. the university i’m at isn’t exactly RENOWNED for anything apart from sports, which means the rest of the departments there (especially computer related) are very lax about things, and i don’t feel that i’m learning anything. however, i am only a first year, so i will probably stick it out to next year and see how that goes. there has been no mention of anything computer games related as yet, which is a bit annoying as i don’t really want to learn how to make movies (which is good fun, but wrong course maybe?). i think it is because they are assessing what level we are all at, and trying to get us all at the same level. which poses a few problems for me, mainly because i have done the course for nearly three years now. so yeah.

we shall see how that goes anyway. i am still surviving somehow. today i have done nothing much, apart from to see my friend ian. had a nice chat, about his course, which seems very intense. sort of wish my course was a bit like that, but at the same time i don’t. i don’t know, i’m not in the best state of mind at the moment.

i didn’t intend for this to be as depressing as it came out, but at least i’m blogging. check out the drawings, and let me know what you think of them eh?

i think you should listen to sprites. they’re fantastic.

what a ride.well, it’s been too long, and so much has happened i don’t know where to begin. so i’ll just write what i can.one of my friends died. victoria lawrence, aged 19, trainee nurse. she was the kindest person i have ever met, and i miss her terribly. her funeral was a few days before christmas, and i have never cried so much in my life. it was nice to see everyone though, despite the circumstances. i hope that doesn’t make me sound like a dick.

my friends nestor and joel put on an annual day festival, and this time around was magical. the bands were brilliant, and i met so many people. there was an after party too, which obviously was amazing. i made so many new friends and spent the entire time talking to people. it was one of the most magical days of my life.

christmas was pretty dull. usual arguments in the family and whatnot, not a whole lot to say about it really.new year i came back to leeds. it was really fun, we all went to the brudenell, which is a pretty small venue in leeds but one of the best i’ve ever been to. the music was terrible but i was surrounded by lovely people. it was great.

my friend kerry went to australia and is now back, and she brought back some amazing photos. i will try and steal them and put them up somewhere, she’s quite the photographer.

my birthday was excellent, my friends had a “scottish” meal (it was vegetarian, but hey) and that was lovely, and then they held a suprise birthday party for me. it was really something.i am super low on money, but i am somehow surviving. i put it down to lauren.

i am in a band! we are called this many boyfriends, and so far our only song involves the band playing music with one of the vocalists telling a story. it’s called “nicky’s storytime”. i play the guitar, well, i say play, but it’s really not playing.

i have done some drawings, which i don’t think are very good but i think i will probably try and make a book out of them. if you want, you can find them here: http://s182.photobucket.com/albums/x126/asyrus/art/

also, join the facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=44538249319&ref=ts

i received a lovely message from someone about my blog, which i have yet to reply to. needless to say i had sort of forgotten about blogging, and quite a lot has happened, i just haven’t had the time really, but i will try and be a good blogger to the four of you who stumble upon this looking for camel spiders.peace and fucking.