in an attempt to make this blog better, i am going to stop saying SO at the start of every fucking entry. oh, and i’m also going to stop swearing… as much.

today was sort of interesting, though the day is only half over. i woke up around 4 a.m, and kept falling asleep and waking up. then at around 7, i got a text from hen since i was supposed to call her before she started getting ready. henrietta is at a wedding today! how nice. but yes we talked for literally 5 minutes then i went back to sleep.

waking up around 10, i finally got round to washing my hair. i have a habit of just not being arsed to wash it. so it gets really greasy. but yes, it is now washed, conditioned and straightened. made an effort today. speaking of hair, i also booked an appointment for the hairdressers. lovely.

got my fucking vans today like. yes, those lovely black and white checkered vans are now mine. cost £32.99. luckily, i didn’t pay for it. i’m saving for this bloody birmingham trip.

anyone know how to play bridge? my grandma and uncle were playing it today, it seems so confusing. there a funny lot my family. they’re very competitive and outspoken. they were playing so seriously for like 10p a win. my uncle david left with 20p and my grandma was not happy. i dunno, maybe its the fact that she lost to him or whatever i don’t know. but they’re funny.

okay, so by trying to make this blog better i made it worse. bollocks.

oh, the answer to my tagged quiz was indeed the hole in my heart story. well done you lot.

and when i get the time, i’m going to teach you lot some good ol’ english slang. i was teaching leindiemeister some, and i’ve forgotten lots, so i’m going to do a nice big post here eventually, watch out for it!

oh, and i’ve been sat here clicking “next” for nearly half an hour. and i’ve come to the conclusion that about 75% blogs on wordpress.com are either complete shite, of interest to about 3 people or are so personal they’re practically private. i think this blog is in this 75%. i was getting alot of blogs about health which is good, but some of them were just crap. i mean, a good health blog would give lots of help and useful recipes and provide support and stuff. these were “EAT HEALTHY.” “HEY FATTY, EAT A CARROT.” etc. utter shite.

i hope that throughout this blog i have entertained at least one person. that would make my day.

well, not much to report on today really.

i’m definitely going to london on 20th of july. for a few days. that’s going to be hella awesome.

i need to speak to dom urgently about arrangements. if you see this dom, get in touch with me! i have a new phone number, ask mike or some other brit for it and text me or something.

yes, blogs to leave a message, excellent idea.

now, let’s talk about myspace. and how much of a bag of shit it is. really. creating a myspace page is essentially signing your life away to the devil; but not in that sense. no, it’s not addicting (though for some whelps it is), it’s just… UGH. you know, you put a picture of yourself up. great. then you look at other peoples pictures. and they think they’re models and edit their pictures. why? why can’t you put a picture up of yourself, naturally? don’t give me this bullshit about feeling better about yourself or making yourself look better, because if you were so insecure in the first place you wouldn’t put the picture up!  no, they do it for the attention. and why do you take them from such stupid angles people? always looking down. you do realise that that position represents a demeaning value to that person right? so by doing that, AND editing it, you’ve just fucked your image well and truly.

or at least i like to think so. sorry, i just don’t like people who LIVE on myspace and constantly edit all their pictures. please, show your natural self once in a while.

sorry for the lack of posts lately, i am now a man of PLEASURE and LEISURE, sorry.

but in all serious, not a whole lot as been happening. nothing to write about anyway. i had a really bad day yesterday, in which my other phone broke as well, and everything went wrong etc etc. today hasn’t been to bad. nothing to report really.

however, today is apparently monumental since gordon brown is now england’s new prime minister. england is well and truly fucked. please, someone tell me what this man has done that’s good. please.

on account of music. well, bright eyes is next FRIDAY people, can’t fucking wait. seriously need to know who’s supporting. SERIOUSLY. GOD SOMEONE TELL ME. but yeah. i can’t really check out any new releases. why? no fucking internet. it’s fucking killing me. someone want to donate theirs?

me and hen are fine, but she’s… well. i won’t go into it, but it’s a bit feminine. mhm. i’ll say no more in case she rips my head off again. love that girl i do.

also, HUZZAH over 10,000 views. wow.

ok, so markalan has tagged me. at first i wasn’t sure, but after reading his post, i figured i had to make 9 statements about myself, one of which is not true. try and guess which one!

ok, here in england we have key stages when going through school. at the end of each key stage you do an exam called SATs. now, at the end of key stage one, i was entered for my key stage 2 exam. 4 years ahead. i was the only one my teacher had ever entered for it. she had to bully the headteacher to let me do it.

i love the rain. it soothes me. you know, just sitting inside and hearing the rain on the outside, knowing some poor cunt is out there getting soaked, and you’re lovely and warm on the inside listening to sigur ros. which is perfect to go with rain.

i hate my mother. lots. i actually can’t stand the woman and anything she does annoys me. i don’t care that you know, she GAVE BIRTH to me or whatever, she’s a terrible mother and i just can’t wait to get away from her.

music! i adore music and will listen to anything from heavy metal to hip hop. my all time favourite genre is indie however, and i love it alot. i’ve been to lots of gigs and discover new bands daily (well, when i’m on the internet), and i love it.

i was once on a life support machine because i had a hole in my heart.

i’m secretly a major geek. i love anime and manga, i have collected magic the gathering trading cards, i’ve played d+d, i know how to code in several coding languages, i play computer games every day and have grew up with them, i’m on a course to create computer games for christ sake. well, not so much a secret really, haha.

i actually can’t stand myself for how i treat people and how i act around people. i can be a true monster, i really can. just awful. and i get upset about stupid things and i just can’ t get over the past. i also have a real problem with trust and jealousy.

me? i’m a complete coward. i’m scared of heights, spiders, insects, deep water, the dark and too much more. always have been. i’m definitely not a fighter.

i used to be able to play keyboard at a grade 4 standard. completely forgotten it now since i was in… year 10? so maybe 2-3 years ago.

so which one was the lie? well, take your guess.

so today’s been certainly interesting to say the least.

so it started out with my GENIUS plan starting, and the first step was to get a SIM card. so i walked all the way to the vodafone shop in the middle of town (a good half hour away) in my completely wrecked shoes. i mean seriously, these things have holes everywhere, and i’m practically walking on nothing but my socks, except with a sharp pain everytime i walk because of how the sole is. it’s crossed, and it hurts alot. so i walked all the way down, and paid a fiver for the SIM card. only i could have got it for free since they have a voucher thing which i didn’t find out until afterwards, in which they were reluctant to give me a free SIM. so there’s money gone.

anyways, i went to see grandma for a bit, and by now my feet were in really bad shape. i mean REALLY sore, close to bleeding etc. it wasn’t nice. i eventually make it home and sorted the phone out, all registered and what not, completely working. phase one gone, next step is sending it. but there i hit a snag, because my current phone now refuses to charge. at all. i mean it’s been dying for weeks now and usually refuses to charge, but it eventually works. only not this time. it’s now dead. completely. snap goes the plan. that really put me in a bad mood. that, and the fact that it was 3 years ago today (or around) that my grandad died. why am i so upset? i never got to say goodbye. he went to hospital and i never visited him. then i wake up one day and my mother tells me he’s gone. this blog title is about him.

anyways, i come here and talk to hen again. only she’s had a bad day too. so that’s not a good mix. we had a massive argument. but we’re fine now. we argue alot. but we love each other more. anyways, i managed to win at monopoly today. 3 other players and i bankrupt every single one without having to mortgage a single property. i love my phone.

and right now i can’t get enough of 65daysofstatic. and the tickets for bright eyes are booked, just need to book the coach now.

speaking of dates, about 2 years ago this time me and dominic embarked on a beautiful friendship that lasts to this day. so here’s a nice story, it’s a good one i promise!

ok, so i frequent an IRC (chat) network associated with a gaming website. but yes, this is where i met dom (who went by the internet alias of pot). anyways, i didn’t talk to him much but we would have the odd conversation every now and then. anyways, about then my internet got cut off (since i was ADDICTED) and wouldn’t return for months. when it did however, dom started talking to me, asking where i lived. i was curious, but i told him anyways. anyway, turns out he had been staying here for a weekend with his girlfriend. well! i was furious! he was down here and didn’t tell me so we didn’t meet up! god! anyway, he asked me if i knew an “alison brown”. of course, i’d known alison for years and sat next to her in english. turns out, that was his girlfriend. anyways, it hit off from there, and dom got me into alot of the music i’m into today! so yes, that is my good friend dominic.

so this weekend wasn’t too eventful. i spent most of it talking to whoever i could (henrietta). since vodafone is now a complete skengy bitch when it comes to free calls, it’s hard to find time to talk to her. so i came up with an ingenius plan to send her my old phone, a sim card and a charger this week so we can talk this weekend. i don’t know how much it is going to cost me, but hopefully it’ll be worth it. it’s also kelvin’s birthday party this saturday. god i need money.

this week will be focusing on bumping up all the grades of my work. so far i’m guessing they’re around pass level, so i need merits and distinctions! (equivalent to B and A grades),

so yesterday was mine and henrietta’s 6 month anniversary. that probably doesn’t mean anything to you lot, but we’ve been through hell and christ else knows.

love you hen.

I FUCKING FINISHED COLLEGE.

YESSSSSSss.

8 hours of non-stop work, with no break and no fucking food. i am FAMISHED. i am TIRED. i am SOAKING WET. but i am PROUD, because I FINISHED. ALL MY WORK IS DONE.

if only i had some money to fucking celebrate. stupid ema.

okay, so on 7th and 8th july, i will be in birmingham again. firstly, to see bright eyes with henrietta. secondly, to spend time with henrietta. and dom, of course. yes, dom said it was alright to stay at his house on BOTH those days (what a great guy) so i’m all set! next up is money.

sorry for that post yesterday, everything was really getting to me. everything has been alright so far, i’ve been talking to hen a bit and i’ve managed to get sorted. but today is the major deadline, everything has to be in today, or else. and i’m working hard to finish everything off. i’ll have to come in next week of course, just to touch everything up, but if i can get the bulk of it done today, i should be alright. wish me luck!

there are some great new releases out so far, then some not so great leaks. like the new portugal. the man. its not that great. the new pornographers, and the few new tracks from animal collective’s album are great also. there’s also new iron & wine which is great, new minus the bear which i haven’t heard yet, new hell is for heroes (haven’t heard), and much much more. god i can’t wait to get home to get this. i miss the internet :(.

i feel really down at the moment. so i guess i’ll take this opportunity to do what every other 17 year old with a blog does, and complain about life. quite frankly, i feel depressed. i’m worn out, i’m stressed, i just can’t focus anymore. i am constantly unmotivated and i ache and everything else. i’m constantly being hounded by the fact that i will probably fail college. that and being so far from henrietta, not being able to talk to her when i want and constantly having to fork out money to put on my phone just to talk to her for 50 minutes. all my money goes on talking to henrietta. i mean, it’s not that i don’t enjoy it, i love talking to her, but it just leaves me with nothing. i’d like to save up, buy myself things and everything else, but how can i? on top of that, i just feel uncared for, unloved. like everyone hates me. i feel ugly. really.

me and henrietta had a bit of a row last night. she has problems, and i listened to her, and tried to help her out. though i was in a mood and cranky since i’d just been woken up. that and i was absolutely shitting myself because of today. when my work is due in. so sorry for not being so supportive. i hope everything went ok with her day. i got quite angry, but i’m not entirely sure why. i think it was the fact that she was getting really upset over something so silly, but i forget about all the issues and problems she has. i’m an awful person, aren’t i? yeah, i quite hate myself right now.

sorry i can’t be the best person in the world. sorry i can’t be perfect. or amazing. i feel like i should be sorry.

about this work, well, we finished off our video in multimedia, so that’s done. still got 3D modelling to finish, and there’s no signs of it ending soon, so that’s what i’m incredibly worried about. sorry for being depressed or something.

fuck sake. and rod has hiccups. exciting.

shout out to tian, who turned 18 yesterday.